Letting Go

Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go

To me, letting go is hard. It doesn't matter if it's people, or sentimental belongings that I never use, letting go is really hard.

I invest myself in my relationships with the people I care about, so naturally it's really hard when a friendship has run it's course and it's time for me to let go.

How do you know when you've reached the point where letting go will be more positive?

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I've had to let go of some really good friends. Practically best friends. But we had grown a part, and they had changed and it really hurt to watch them make decisions that I never thought they would make. So I had to let go, for the benefit of both of us, but really I wanted to hold on with all I had, because even though things had changed, I still cared so much about them. It's hard to let go of them, your life might be better without them in it for the moment, but you'll never know if you'll ever have them in your life again.

I guess you just have to take a chance on letting go and hoping that is a good thing for the moment, and perhaps when things calm down or change again, you can welcome them back. You can still love them from afar. You can appreciate the memories and the time that you did have together.

And maybe if you're lucky, they'll come back to you. 

Songs That Speak To You

Day 29, Wednesday: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories.

Guys, we're almost done with this May challenge. I can't believe how close it is to being over, and how close it is to my birthday!

I really liked this prompt. It's fun to share songs that remind of you specific things, or just certain times in your life. I'm a sentimental person, so I love reminiscing of these moments.

1. Girls - Beastie Boys: My best friend and I used to sit in the parking lot of our high school before football games and scream this song at the top of our lungs.


2. Dark Blue - Jack's Mannequin: This song will always remind me of college. My college boyfriend and I were obsessed with them. I went to their concert and ended up with bloody hips, but was able to hold that front row position, and it was glorious.


3. To Make You Feel My Love - Adele: This song will always remind me of my mother. I personally love the Adele version, but my mother fell in love with it from the Hope Floats soundtrack with Garth Brooks singing.


4. Starting Now - Ingrid Michaelson: When Hal and I were first dating he learned how to play this song on guitar and played it for me because he knew I really liked it. This whole CD reminds me of the winter that Hal and I started dating.


5. You and I - Michael Buble : This was the song we used as our first dance, and it will always always remind me of our engagement and dance classes, and our wedding day.

My Birthday Wishlist

Day 28, Tuesday: Only pictures

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Dear Readers,

Day 27, Monday: A letter to your readers
Dear Readers,

I am blown away. I am blown away by all of you, all of your sweet comments,  and reactions to my posts.

I think I finally understand what all of those bloggers who were talking about the amazing blogging community were talking about. For a while I didn't realize I was a no-reply blogger, and randomly my blog will revert to that. But ever since I fixed that little glitch, I have seriously been blown away at all of the e-mails I have been getting from all of you sweet bloggers.

Finally I understand why people love this blogging thing. I used to do it just to keep people updated, like while we were in the Peace Corps and such. But this blogging challenge, where I am writing every single day, I'm finally seeing why people love blogging.

So readers, I want to say thank you. Thank you for coming and reading my silly little posts and giving me support on those days when thing just aren't working out. It has been amazing to find others writing and commenting about the exact thing I'm going through at whatever moment. I think blogging has helped me feel less alone since coming back to America. And I have you guys to thank for that.

Thank you for being there while I'm still getting the hang of this thing, and for giving me advice and answering all of my questions.

Together we are an amazing community, and I hope all bloggers feel the love I've been feeling the last few months.




P.S. It's almost my birthday, so since we're such an amazing community, I'm expecting something good.

Untouched for 40 years

Day 26, Sunday: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.

I'm really excited about today's prompt. I've found two really interesting articles recently, so today I'll share one of them with you.

This article was published in the Smithsonian Magazine about a family who was discovered living in an extremely remote portion of Siberia. For 40 years this family was untouched by other humans or the world. They lived in the mountains, 150 miles from the closest settlement. Their two youngest children had literally never seen another human that wasn't a member of their small family.

Their House

A group of geologists were flying over when their little house and farm was spotted. They tracked the family down, and at first the meeting did not go so well. Especially for the two youngest who had never seen another person before.

They left the house and waited on the edge of the clearing for the family to come talk to them when they were comfortable. The family had fled religious persecution in Russia and had just kept going further and further from civilzation.

Over time the geologists shared a bit of technology with them, and tried to help out their family. While the geologists were working in the area, every single family member except for one died.

This is where the anthropologist in me thinks, was it better for the family to have their lives touched by the geologists who gave them things they desperately needed, or would it have been better for them to have remained isolated forever?

Honestly, I am not sure, but I'm inclined to think perhaps it would have been better for them to be left alone.

Read the article, and tell me what you think.

I'll Never Forget

Day 25, Saturday: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad)

Back in Middle School I had a friend named Chelsea. She was really close to her mom, like best friends.

Her mom was a cool mom. Not Mean Girls kinda cool, but the kind of mom who would always be willing to take us places and go with us to whatever we wanted to do.

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Her mom was equally obsessed with Lord Of The Rings as we were at the time, so it was cool that she'd go with us to see it over and over again.

Well, Chelsea's mom once told me something that I'll never ever forget.

I always thought I had kind of a lower voice growing up. You know how it's weird to hear yourself as other people hear you? Well my voice is lower than it is in my head.

I remember once we were talking about my voice and how I didn't like how it was low. Well, Chelsea's mom told me she liked my low voice, she thought it was a sexy low voice.

I'll never forget that.

My Worst Traits

Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits

Oh man when I saw this prompt all I could think of was the line from Emma where she says to Mrs. Bates: "Ah! ma'am, but there may be a difficulty. Pardon me—but you will be limited as to number—only three at once."
And then Mr. Knightly yells at Emma and says "Badly Done, Emma, Badly Done."

I just love that movie.

Well onto my worst traits.

1. I hate when plans change: I'm pretty sure Cambodia was like lesson by fire when it came to this, because NOTHING will go according to plan in Cambodia. I used to be a big fat brat when people would change plans on my last minute. But I'm working on it, and am trying to be a lot more flexible.

2. I'm selfish: Everyone is selfish to an extent. I'm selfish when it comes to my favorite treats. Growing up in a family with 8 kids, treats were a big deal. So sometimes even still I have a favorite treat and I don't want to share it with anyone. I may let you have a small bite of my treat, or if I have a lot of it, I may even share a whole one with you. Just know if I do that, you're real lucky.

Don't ask me to share my bueno.

3. I'm Lazy: Lez be honest. I'm real lazy. One time we had this lady do our charts about what our life would be like based on our birthdays and time we were born and what not. She told me my cardinal sin from past lives was laziness. You know it's bad when a random lady tells you that the stars know you're lazy.
I'm definitely working on it more now, I didn't used to care that I was lazy, but then my butt grew with this desk job, and I didn't like that. So I'm finding ways to motivate myself. I'm working out right when I get home so I don't have time to talk myself out of it and be lazy. I'm scheduling things earlier on Saturdays so I don't lay in bed reading all day long.

What the World Taught Me

Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you
I love school, so I'm not knocking it, but there are just some things you have to learn for yourself. You have to experience it to know it. I'm picking the top three life lessons that come to my head first.

Family Matters Most.

I know not everyone has a happy family situation, so for them their friends are their family. No matter who you call your family, they matter most. They will be there for you when you need it.

Traveling is Important

One of the classrooms I taught 7th grade in

I know not everyone likes to travel, but I really think everyone should travel to a third world country. Traveling just gives you a different view on the world, and I think more people need to have that kind of viewpoint, to know actually how the other half lives. Yesterday I was talking with some women about The Rent Collector, and they were asking me, "Do people really live like that in Cambodia?" And while I do think he got some aspects wrong about Cambodian culture, yes, people do really live on the dump and scavenge it everyday in order to make enough money to buy rice for dinner. More people need to have their eyes opened to the world.
Being Angry Isn't Worth It

I care about people a lot. I really invest myself into the people I care about, so it can be easy to get angry when they do something not nice, or thoughtless, or whatever manner of things that might make you angry. But being angry doesn't make them feel or act how you want them to feel and act. A lot of times it kind of just makes you look like an idiot.

Art Deco Manicure Tutorial

Day 22, Wednesday: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. (a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)

I'm not feeling much into the ranting mood, so I'm going to post about something else, but you can check out previous rants here, and here.

Well, The Great Gatsby just came out, and there are so many art deco inspired things going around because of it. I saw a couple of cool art deco style manicures so I decided to try one out myself. And I decided to take pictures and do my very first nail tutorial!

1. Cut six very thin pieces of tape
2. Place 1 piece of tape across the top of your nail
3. Place 1 piece of tape straight down the middle of your nail, make sure it's touching the top piece.

4. Place 1 piece just below the top piece, and make sure it is not touching the middle piece.
5. Place 1 piece straight down from the piece you just placed, creating a 90 degree angle. Make sure it is not touching the middle piece.
6. Repeat steps 4 & 5 on the other side of the nail.

7. Paint over the pieces of tape with 1-2 quick coats of the polish
8. Wait about 30 seconds to 1 minute from painting, depending on how long it takes your polish to dry. You want it to just be setting and still wet.
9. Start peeling the tape off your nail.
10. Peel all of the tape off, and once the nail polish is more set, pat it down so the edges where the tape was, so the edges don't stick up.

And there's the finished art deco nail!

I tried another nail where I put two strips of tape at the top, but upside down it looked like R2D2...so I just went with the 1 strip of tape at the top on the other hand.

Do you see R2D2, or is it just me?
Tips:
-Make sure the pieces of tape stick out far enough that they will be easy to grab a hold of, and pull off.
-Make sure the corner pieces are aligned right, or you won't have clear edges.
-Don't wait too long to pull off the tape, but don't pull it too quickly or the nail polish will run. The polish I used dries really fast, so I probably pulled it off 30 seconds after putting on the coat.

Show me your art deco manicures!

Linking up with Rolled Up Pretty

Favorite Posts

Day 21, Tuesday: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives

I've been wanting to do this for a while, so I'm excited that the May blogging challenge finally made me buckle down and pick out some of my favorite posts.

The Married Love - how love evolves over time in a relationship to be something that's even more beautiful than the all encompassing love of a new relationship.

Wedding Wednesday - The First Dance - I loved a lot of the wedding Wednesday posts, but I really love the video of our fist dance.

2 years - On the 2 year anniversary of our meeting I shared the story of how we met.

Dane's Birthday - This post is a perfect example of why I love my brother in law's personality.

First Birth as a Doula - I loved posting this and seeing all of your responses of support. I have two more birth stories to write since this.

Where is your sense of adventure? - My frustration with America's lack of adventure seeking. There are so many things out there to see and do. Pick adventure over comfort.

Why Peace Corps Was The Best Decision I Ever Made - The title kind of explains it all.

When Bureaucracy Matters More - My politically correct version of my frustration with working with Cambodian government's bureaucracy. You don't always have wins as a Peace Corps Volunteer.

And lastly

China and Scotland - Two of my favorite trips we've taken.

When Your Husband is Gone

Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.

Do you guys remember when I mentioned that Hal is doing a short study abroad?

He's going to Europe to study International Accounting. Super exciting. Except that they also get to do other cool things that don't make my eyes unfocus when they're mentioned.

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But I don't get to go.

Hal and I are adventurers at heart. So I knew he had to go and experience this, even though it's without me. One of the reasons I love adventure is because I get to experience it with other people and create those memories and bonds with others. But Hal will be going and adventuring and doing what I love best about adventuring without me.

And I have to be here, and work so that we can still pay the bills while he's gone.

But 3 weeks?

3 weeks of Hal having adventures without me? 3 weeks of my bed being too big with just me and kitty in it each night?

I know that doesn't seem like a big deal to some, but we've never ever been away from each other that long before. The longest was when I had Dengue Fever and was in Thailand, and Peace Corps made Hal go back to Cambodia after I got released from the hospital, but I had to stay until my liver started functioning semi normal again. 3 whole days without my husband. I thought that was rough as I was still sick and dead tired and in a city I didn't know well.

I'm not well versed in the ways of living life without my husband. I've got my kitty and a stack of the first 5 seasons of Friends for company.

Any other tips on how to survive while the husband is out of town?

Favorite Bloggers

Day 19, Sunday: Five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them

I love when people share blogs that they love. It doesn't matter if they're new blogs you've started loving, or old loves that you've been following for a while. It's always fun to be introduced to new blogs. Her are a few of my favorites, some are new loves, and some are old loves, but they're all loved by me.

1. Elizabeth from E Tells Tales

Elizabeth has been one of my favorite bloggers for quite some time. Her writing is so engaging that you can't help getting caught up in her story. I started reading her blog when she was a teacher in Boston, and read through as she eloped, had a baby and started a hugely successful Etsy business. She inspired me to not want to know the gender of our babies someday.

2. Ashley from Dancing with Ashley

I feel like Ashley is the blogging community's big sister. She's so encouraging from her e-mails, and when I read about her daily life with her two adorable boys, I feel like I'm apart of her family. Plus, she's a super talented dancer.

3. Kayla from My Kind of Yellow

Kayla is a new blog love of mine. She is getting married in a matter of days, and it has been so fun to read through all of her preparations for her wedding. She probably has the busiest weekends of anyone I've ever met, but they're so fun to read about. She is always positive in her blog which is so refreshing.

4. Lacie from Leather & Lace

This is one of the blogs that I totally creep. I don't always comment and we've never exchanged e-mails, but I had to include it on this list because it's one of the funniest blogs I read. When I first found it I literally spent hours just reading and laughing out loud at old posts. Girl knows how to tell it like it is.

Now go forth and spread the blog love.

Childhood Memory

Day 18, Saturday: Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.

When I was about seven my family was preparing to move from Oregon to Washington, but we had some time before we got out of our house and the move, so our family was kind of split up. I stayed with my best friend Danielle and her family.

Well I missed my mom a lot while I stayed there, so she took me and my brother to buy us a toy that would help us remember her and feel better. I bought the biggest teddy bear I could find. I still have her, but can't find any pictures, she looks something like this, except my cool bear has a red plaid bow tie.

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I named her Carolyn Bear, after my mother. I pretty much showed her off to anyone who would take 5 second to look at me.

Well after I tore the tag off her, she still had a white plastic hook in her arm. I distinctly remember holding Carolyn Bear up by the hook and trying to convince my best friend Danielle that it was magic, and that she couldn't tell how I held the bear up. She could totally see the hook that I was holding onto though.

And thus ended my magic career.

And just for fun, here's some cuteness overload.

I'm in the pink sweatshirt

Favorite Photo

I know, I missed yesterday. I was on such a roll, blogging every single day. But I did something pretty awesome. I attended my third birth as a doula yesterday. It was wonderful, but long, as it is with most first babies, so I just didn't have time to blog.

So lucky you guys, you get two days worth today.

Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it:

This one goes along with my post on Mothers Day. When I was 19 I lost my mother. It has definitely been difficult to go through big life events without my mother by my side. She never met my husband, she missed my wedding, and won't be there to see my children grow up.

One of the best ways to overcome a loss of a parent is to turn towards your siblings. Since my mother's death my sibling and I have grown much closer. I have also grown a lot closer to my dad. I guess that's a blessing in disguise, family can help you heal It also helps I have an amazing mother in law (sorry if that just made you cry Judy).

And that goes along with today's writing prompt, as it is a photo from my wedding that my mother missed.

Day 17, Friday: A favorite photo of yourself and why

I love this photo. My sister took it as we came out of the temple, just brand newly married to greet all of our family and friends. Not too often do you get a glamorous laughing photo on your wedding day just spontaneously. I have a lot of amazing staged photos from my wedding that are all vintagey and special, but I love this one because it was a real moment captured.

Day in the Life

Day 15, Wednesday: A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day)

Start off the day by hitting snooze and squeezing in an extra 10 minutes of sleep.

After I get out of the shower I can hear the cat on the other side of the door meowing for me to eat something so she can get the leftovers. I used to give her my milk from cereal, and even though it's been months, she still meows for it. Sometimes she consoles herself by drinking the water in the bathtub right after I've showered.

I gotta do a little hair scrunch for the curls to look their best.

Then this is pretty much how my day goes at work.

Lately I've been taking a picture every day and sending it to Hal, here's the one I took yesterday.

After I come home I go right into the 30 day shred before I lose all motivation and just sit on the couch.

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Lately I've been busting through episodes of The Hills. It's interesting to watch it now as an adult, because I am a year younger than them and was totally into the show back then. As an adult, I'm like Get Over It.

And then I end the day with some snuggle time with my kindle.

10 Happy Things

Day 14, Tuesday: Ten things that make you really happy

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1. A sweet e-mail from Mr. Hal every day.

2. That it takes kitty .02 seconds to lay in the sun after I open the curtains.

3. That this Grand Canyon trip might actually happen.

4. Going outside in 90+ degree weather and not instantly being covered in sweat.

5. My next doula client is already dilated to a 4 and could go any day.

6. Getting a call back for a second job.

7. Thunderstorms.
8. All of my sisters will be together this weekend.

9. Hal having an interview for a summer internship.

10. It's my birthday month!

What's been making you happy?

Dear Body, I apologize

Day 13, Monday: Issue a public apology. This can be as funny or as serious or as creative as you want it to be.

Today I loved Vanisha's apology to her body. It got me thinking.

I need to apologize to my body. In Cambodia, we were lucky to get good western food 1-2 times a month.  So when we got to that glorious western restaurant we gorged. We ate literally until we couldn't eat other bite. It didn't matter because we'd walk a mile or so back to the guesthouse because it was cheaper than paying a tuk tuk and we'd just spent a days wages ($5) on that glorious western meal. We got a lot of exercise. Our only mode of transportation at site was our bicycles.

Then we came back to America, the land of western food. The land of food that I was used to gorging myself on. The problem started when I got a desk job. I wasn't riding my bike a kilometer uphill to work every day. I was driving in a car and eating really rich food. And all of the sudden I had this extra bit to my butt that had never been there before.

I was really harsh on myself. In the words of another returned volunteer "I hate the things America has done to my body." That's how I felt. I've always been a thin person and I had this extra weight that I had never had before. I didn't care about the number on the scale. We don't even own the scale so I didn't even know the number. I cared how I felt in my body and in my clothes and I wasn't happy. I was mean to myself.

But then I realized being mean to myself wasn't going to help me get to where I happy with my body again.
I started doing yoga again. Yoga is the ultimate exercise for me. I love the connection between my spirit and body that yoga brings. I love pushing myself and seeing the progress I can make from my hard work.

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Even though my body isn't back to where I want it to be, just going to yoga a few times a week makes me a lot happier. Creating a positive body image by doing an exercise that I love has made a huge difference. Yoga isn't about comparing yourself to others. It's about getting out of yourself, and trusting your body. I love that, it has helped me heal my negative body image.

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So body, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was so negative towards you. It didn't serve me, and it didn't serve you at all.

Check out my friend in real life, Heather's blog You're Beautiful. It's all about confronting our negative body images and turning them into positive ones.

Today in addition to yoga, I'm starting the 30 day shred challenge with my sisters. Want to apologize to your body and start a positive relationship with your body? Join us in the challenge!

Who Do You Miss?

Day 12, Sunday: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)

Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful mothers, mothers to be, and those missing their mothers today.

10 Words

Today's prompt from Jenni's blog ever day in May has to do with selling yourself. Honestly, I really don't like these kinds of prompts. I don't really like having to sell myself to someone. But I'm stubborn and have gone 10 days without missing a day, so even though it's not my style, I'm not giving up on blogging every day.

Day 11, Saturday: Sell yourself in 10 words or less

Doula
Animal Enthusiast
Loyal Wife, Friend
Returned Peace Corps Volunteer

I didn't want to fill my list with sill adjectives, so instead I chose parts of my personality that I think make up huge parts of who I am.

What 10 words would you choose?