Friday, December 5, 2014

Lyme Disease

This post is an update to the last time I posted about maybe having Lyme disease. I feel like this blog has been a bit of a downer lately, and I promise I'm not posting about this to get sympathy comments. But I know I would have liked to find a blog about what someone went through when they were diagnosed. I still get comments about my posts I did on Dengue Fever; so hopefully this will help someone in the future feel a little less alone.

Was that too dramatic? Well, then you're in for it with this post.

I had my follow up with my doctor this week. I elected to do the better non insurance covered test to get clarity on my diagnosis.
I have officially been diagnosed with Acute Lyme Disease. Poop.

After meeting with my doctor last time and thinking she was crazy because I didn't have any of the symptoms and had never noticed a tic bite, but I started to notice that I actually did have symptoms. I remembered how my shoulder hurt every day for weeks for no reason. For a while I couldn't carry my purse on that shoulder anymore. And how after I played ultimate frisbee; even though I didn't hurt anything my knee hurt so bad I couldn't go up and down stairs for a week. We went on a hike a few weeks ago and both of my knees hurt so badly afterwords even though I didn't injure them.

I've always prided myself on my memory. I have a really good memory, but lately I find myself forgetting things, or not being able to recall the word I'm looking for. I completely forgot to patch my boss into a conference call last week. It's so frustratingly not like me.

But the worst is fatigue. I had a day a few weeks ago that I literally couldn't get out of bed. I have never had anything like that before. It was kind of scary to feel like that.

I don't want to be a hypochondriac and think I have every symptom under the sun; because I don't. I don't have a lot of the worse neurological symptoms. I don't want to use this as a crutch. I've reached this weird Catch 22 point; where I don't want to give into the symptoms and use them as excuses, but I am just so exhausted most of the time. I'm exhausted when I wake up in the morning. I don't want to give into it because I was happily living my life before I knew I had this, but at the same time my symptoms seem to be getting worse, and I don't know if it's because they are actually getting worse, or if it's because I am more aware of them now.

So now I'm starting on a crazy 6 week medicine regime. My Dr. follows the international recommendations for lyme disease instead of the CDC's recommendations. I'm starting to take 3 supplements twice a day on top of the three supplements and birth control I was already taking. And then I have to ease myself onto antibiotics. Start with once a day, then twice a day, then two in the morning and once at night, then add in a second antibiotic.

It's all a little bit overwhelming honestly. I know that I will be ok, and am so lucky that while lyme is not curable, you can put it in remission. There are silver linings in this. It has gotten me to be healthier than I've ever been in my life. But I'm not to the point where any of that is comforting yet.

Honestly, I'm scared. It feels like someone just told me I have cancer. But then I feel bad for thinking that because cancer is infinitely worse. It's scary to know that I will have this for the rest of my life; and that it can come out of remission if your immune system gets low or you have to take immune suppressants. It's scary to know that I have this inside of me forever.

It's just scary, so I'm letting go of my normal crazy control and am just giving myself some time to be scared, to be sad, and eventually I'll reach the point where I'm ok and I can be comforted by those silver linings, but for now it's ok to be sad. 

7 comments:

Autumn said...

I kind of felt like this when my thyroid disease was diagnosed. It took me two years to add up all of the symptoms and figure out what I had before I was tested. The weight gain, the hair falling out, the fatigue like I have never felt like before really had me feel down in the dumps.

I hope the meds help you feel back to normal soon. Once my meds started working, I couldn't believe how the little things weren't the "big things" anymore. It was so nice to just be myself again. I hope you get there soon!

Tanika Rice said...

Oh girl, I am so sorry! But I am grateful it can be maintained with medication!

I hope you are able to get on a regime soon that make you feel better and let you be able to handle what's going on.

You are in my prayers!

Selma @ Crazy Little World Of Mine said...

I'm so sorry girl. Sending you hugs over!!! There's not much I can say that will help because you already summed it all up...yet, you have all the right to feel scared, frustrated, and just sad. In ten years you will look back however and laugh at how you felt because all the medications or precautions etc you take will be nothing to you because you will be so used to it. Now however, it just sounds blahhhh...

Thinking of you and hoping you feel more like you soon. Hugs and prayers sent your way!

Mama Rachel said...

{{{Hugs!}}} No fun! But I think it's good that you are blogging about it.

I hope that your new meds and health regime keep you plugging along and make the diagnosis more doable.

I know my mom was not happy when she was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at such a young age (27-ish), but she has lived with it all these years, and done much good, all with a smile.

I know you will continue to bless so many!

Hugs,
Cousin Rachel

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Oh my gosh! I am so sorry to hear this! I know you'll be fine though. You are such a fighter and have a great outlook. Hey email me your new address so I can send you a Christmas card!

Torrie said...

I'm so sorry, friend--it's hard to know why things happen the way they do, but you'll get through this. Sending positive vibes your way!

Ashley said...

First thing's first, I'm glad they found out what was wrong. But man, it is scary and you have a right to be overwhelmed! Give us updates on how you are doing!! I know things will heal :D Sometimes we just gotta slow down and let ourselves rest.

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