Thursday, March 19, 2015

Receiving Service

My sister in law sent me an article that kind of culminated something I've been thinking a lot about lately. I'm sorry for all the Lyme disease posts, but it's kind of taken over my life, and therefore my blog. And sorry for the cat pictures, but this post needed something.

Service, and learning to accept it is hard.

Generally I'm a really independent person. I like to not have to depend on anyone but Hal for what I need done. I don't like to feel like I'm making someone else's life harder by asking / letting them do something for me.
But some days lately I literally can't take care of myself. The new medication I'm on hits hard and fast for two weeks, and my two weeks off of it I spend recuperating from it, right as I have to go back on it. I've never had to rely on the people around me more than I have in the last month. And I feel terrible. I hate every time I have to ask my managers if I can work from home because all the sudden out of no where I feel like I have the flu, or I'm so nauseous I can't sit at my desk, or any other all encompassing symptom. I hate having to message Hal and tell him I'm going home sick again because then he comes home to take care of me instead of staying at work to study. I hate having to ask co-workers to cover for me on things because I have to work from home because I can't get out of bed.
But lately I've been humbled. I realized something important. People want to serve each other.

We spent some time with someone recently who kept turning us down every time we asked if they wanted something, or if they'd like to do something. And it made me realize  I've always done the same thing. I turn people down all the time because I don't want to inconvenience them, but generally, it's not an inconvenience. People want to feel like they're helping.
The last birth I did, the mother of my client kept asking me if I wanted this or that and I kept saying no. I always come prepared with what I need. Well as the birth took much longer than expected, I accepted her offer for a sugar pick me up and she said "finally, something I can do for you." That experience coupled with watching someone blow us off, just like I often do, I realized people want to serve one another, because that's how humans connect with one another.

So maybe I just need to accept help graciously and be thankful that my life is full of people who are so willing to cover for me, to take care of me, and to be so accommodating with what I'm experiencing instead of worrying that I'm inconveniencing them. Maybe I don't always have to be the one doing service, maybe this is my time to accept service. I have so many kind, thoughtful people in my life that have been so helpful; if even just hanging out with me to take my mind off how I'm feeling. I really am so grateful for it all.

And I'm grateful to you all, for all of your kind comments on these posts that are more of me just chronicling my journey, they really do help buoy my spirits, so thank you. 

1 comment:

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Hang in there!!! You will get through this!

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