Friday, May 23, 2014

5 Tips for Surviving Living Apart From Your Spouse

Now that we don't live 2,000 miles away from each other I feel like it's time to share some of our tips for surviving our 4 month separation. We're still using some of them now that Hal's working in New Jersey M-F and we're separated during the week for the entire summer; so I'd say that is a testament to the fact that they work.

1. Communicate. A lot.
We both tried to make ourselves very available and answer the phone any time the other called. Making it a priority to answer the phone I think made both of us feel really good; like the other person cared enough to make that a big priority.

-Google chat almost always has a better connection than skype.
-If your distance is countries away, google talk doesn't charge you to call internationally.
-Handwritten letters are romantic and are 1,000% worth the effort for both the writer and recipient.

2. Find ways to make each other feel included in day to day stuff.
This will be different for everyone, but I know that in the beginning Hal keeping me included, even in the smallest decision making process made me feel really good, and like I was still a part of his every day life.
For Hal this was me sending him a picture of Tuk Tuk and I every day. We're keeping this one up on those weekdays that we're currently apart.

3. Do sweet things for each other, even if it's not something you'd normally do.
For me this was flowers. Hal sent me flowers every 2 weeks. I can't tell you how much I loved this. I'd take flowers over chocolate any day. The letters can also be included here. Hal would cut out parts of my weekly letters that he liked and pin them on the wall above his bed.

-If you're going to be sending a lot of flowers, sign up for a $10 a month membership. Then your flowers from have free shipping and are actually reasonable, and you can use that membership to get free shipping on lots of other websites.

4. Spending $ on flights to see each other is worth it. 
We got a lot of mixed feedback on this one before we started our separation. Some said save the money to do things when you're back together, or to make less visits more exciting with extra money to do activities. But we both say, spending the money to see each other as often as is reasonable was totally worth it. We ended up seeing each other once a month and that was the perfect amount of motivation to make it through the weeks apart.

5. Be Positive To/With Each Other.
This can be meant in two ways, both of them very helpful for making it through a separation. First, be positive towards your spouse, not hard on your spouse. It can be really easy to end up in a fight, and can be hard to make up with so much distance. Taking a cooling down period where you don't talk on purpose for a few hours is great when you're together, but when you're apart it can be miserable; so silent treatment isn't allowed.

The other is to just be positive when talking to your spouse. You're going to have some days where the sadness and loneliness hits you worse than others, so be ready to be positive when your spouse hits that point to help remind them it will all be worth it.

Overall, go easy on each other. Being separated is hard, and some days it feels like all you have is each other; so support that bond, and support each other and you'll make it through the other side a stronger couple.

1 comment:

Selma @ Crazy Little World Of Mine said...

Love this post girl. So glad you are still doing the Tuk Tuk & you pictures since he's in NJ. And I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking skype has bad connection. Lately it's been horrible. :(

Happy Friday, Sam!

Blogging tips