When we moved out to DC I kind of lost all motivation. I went from working two jobs and hardly being home to being in a strange place, living in someone else's house with nothing to do all day. I didn't get online for almost a month straight. Things definitely got better after I started temping and had somewhere to go each day, but I just never felt like my productivity came back.
When I came back out here in January by myself I thought I would get so many things done because I was alone and would have sooooo much free time to do all the things I've wanted to do. I hope you all rolled your eyes along with me at that.
Because that isn't what happened. At all. I came back out here alone and I was sad. I wasn't sad all the time, but enough to kill my motivation. That motivation that I had never really felt I had gotten back all the way, was now gone again. What people told me made sense, that I didn't need to feel bad, I was going through something hard, and that should be enough. But I still felt bad about not living up to my own expectations.
So I climbed out of my sadness and started working on the things I had wanted to get done for a long time. I've been starting small. Fixing some clothes that needed hemming or a hole fixed. Just something small I can do while I watch TV on the weekends. And lo and behold, as I started to do these things, I felt proud of myself, and that made me motivated to work on more things I have been procrastinating.
While some of the things I want to finish seem daunting coming out of such an unmotivated period, I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for the first time in a while and it's helping me be motivated open to pick up those things I dropped last August.
I started filling out the form to be a volunteer doula at a birthing center here in DC. I never posted about it, but my last birth I did back in June, the doctor wouldn't fill out my evaluation form, so I couldn't get credit for the last birth I needed to certify. It kind of sucked out my passion for being a doula; the paperwork, egos, and lack of exceptions. But this light at the end of the tunnel is helping my passion come back.
I bought my flight home for Hal's graduation, we're looking at finding a place of our own out here, and I get to be home for Easter.
I've had a lot of good in my life lately that have helped me out of my sad and motivationless days, and I can't ignore that. I've been really blessed. And it feels really good.
When I came back out here in January by myself I thought I would get so many things done because I was alone and would have sooooo much free time to do all the things I've wanted to do. I hope you all rolled your eyes along with me at that.
While some of the things I want to finish seem daunting coming out of such an unmotivated period, I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for the first time in a while and it's helping me be motivated open to pick up those things I dropped last August.
I bought my flight home for Hal's graduation, we're looking at finding a place of our own out here, and I get to be home for Easter.
6 comments:
I am so happy for you girl! Why wouldn't the doctor fill out the form? That is so strange!
I also struggle with losing my motivation to accomplish the things I want to do when I'm sad about life circumstances. That happens. But it's not forever and the inspiration returns. It's great that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, now!
Good for you on getting your motivation back- the more you do, the better you'll feel! Also, awesome about getting back on track with being a doula. Definitely something I could NEVER do (I faint at the sight of blood, or needles, or…). Good for you!
I'm glad you are slowly getting your motivation back. It's needed. I hear ya. Plus that doctor seemed strange...and unfair! :(
Hugs!
I'm so glad you're getting your motivation back and how exciting that you're getting back into Doula-ing. ;-) I'm going to train to be a doula someday (there's only one big thing holding me back at this point and once that's gone I'll do it) I love that you're blogging more regularly now. :-)
Even for people who are usually pretty motivated, motivation rises and falls with different periods of our lives, but it is hard when we have such high expectations of ourselves and we can't seem to work up the mojo to follow through.
I feel you.
I've found that the sunshine and lengthening days and things to look forward to (like upcoming holidays and more time with loved ones) push me through the harder times and help me to get that feeling of motivation and confidence back.
I'd say it looks like you're turning the corner :)
Post a Comment