Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Finding Fulfillment

I like it when blogs are real, when the writers share their struggles; whether they're in the midst of them and are looking for support, or are just coming out of them and are sharing their story and advice how to emerge from a rough time. But it's hard to know when is the time to share your struggles, or if you can even form them into a cohesive post so that people can understand what your personal struggles are.

Last night I had a great conversation with my in laws, and I've had many recently with Hal about how I just feel lost.

In Cambodia I felt so full of purpose and I loved what I was doing, maybe not everyday, but overall I loved it. Since we've been back I haven't felt like that. It has made me remember all of the reasons we left here in the first place. It has made me feel lost in wondering what is my purpose other than working at a job I hate to support my husband through school. Of course that is a good purpose, and I know Hal is really grateful that I am sacrificing for him, and he has been supportive of my struggle with this, but I just need something more, you know?

So when you feel lost, how do you find yourself again? It's so easy to make yourself feel complacent with tv or Internet or books in your free time, to make yourself forget that you aren't fulfilling something within you.

I guess that's the hardest part, I don't feel fulfilled. There is a part of me that just wants to create something beautiful. I'm not exactly one to be amazing at making crafts, they usually turn out sub par, but I still like doing them. But just doing a craft here and there isn't enough anymore. I find something that I can consistently enjoy doing.

Only I can change this. If I don't feel fulfilled, I need to do something about it other than distracting myself, or wallowing.

So I've started a search to find something I am passionate about. I wool felted elbow patches on my sweater the other day. My mother in law bought me all of the supplies necessary to learn to tat. These are things that have made me feel excited, and have potential.

I may have not found my passion yet, but I'm searching for it, and it's the closest I've felt to fulfillment since I've been back.

If you have found your passion, how did you find it? How have you found fulfillment in your life? 


Torrie said...

First of all, what you're feeling is totally NORMAL. When your life is been consumed by an all-encompassing service mission for so long (and you know exactly what each day will bring and is expecting of you), then it is incredibly difficult when you return to your "normal life" to know what to expect.

If I'm being honest, it took me almost a year (maybe even more than a year) to really feel like I knew my life's purpose again.

when I got back from my mission, my dad gave me a letter that he gives to all missionaries who have just returned home. Basically, the letter just says that you shouldn't feel like you're abnormal or selfish or anything for feeling depressed, confused, or even spiritually low. Basically he said that the important thing to remember is that it's good if you're like that because it means that you've changed significantly. If you hadn't changed at all, it would be pretty easy to merge back into your old life.

But as it is, you're in the process of finding out how to blend your two selves--who you were before, and who you were in Cambodia.

And it takes awhile.

What helped me was finding a job that fulfilled me--for six months, I worked at a job I loathed, and it only made my depression and anxiety stronger. So if you can start a lookout for a new job that you'll actually enjoy, then that would be my first suggestion.

Sorry for the novel !

Marsa said...

i love this post. its beautiful! i love it when people post their real life stories on their blog too :) it helps me to relate.

when i feel "lost" i try to focus on what makes me happy without worrying what other people will say or think. I think its also really important to honestly express yourself whether it be to your husband, friends, or in laws in your case. finding a hobby is great too :) do things that make you happy! im sure you wont be lost long <3

ps following this lovely blog of yours <3

The DayLee Journal

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Ah lady... this is normal. I hope you know that. I don't want you thinking it's just you because it's not.

You know, when I was going through my divorce I hated everything. I was a person filled with anger. And I didn't want to do anything. It basically sucked.

And then I started writing. I mean, I blog every day. But I started WRITING again. And it felt so good. It isn't all good writing. Some of it is total babble. But slowly I started to remember the things I really LOVE. And the hate slowly went away.

You will find your passion. I know you will. I know we don't KNOW each other, but from reading your blog I can just feel the passion that you have in you. You'll find it.

nate and amy crandell said...

Such a beautiful post :) My favorite life quote is, "finding joy in the journey"

I too sometimes feel like ugh what am I doing. I forget to just have joy in the getting there part! Goals have really helped me stay focus. Sometimes I set big goals, sometimes little but always some kind of goal. So that I get somewhere and feel accomplished when I achieve that goal. :)

Ashley said...

It's hard to find fufillment in first world countries, I find, because of all the distractions. But I think we can all learn to have a simple life even in the good ol' USA. What the other bloggers are saying is right. This is normal. Also keep in mind that you are adjusting to a culture, again. Even though you were raised in the US, Cambodia most likely became your home and a way of life for a good...year? Or two? You are probably going through a sort of reverse culture shock. I find that looking at things a bit scientifically helps me get through them.

Keep on keepin' on! And know that you are never "stuck" anywhere. :)

Autumn said...

I have been struggling over this until the past month. I felt so fulfilled in college even when I didn't find my major for a while because I knew it was where God wanted me. I have struggled with this off and on a lot ever since I have left college, but when I was teaching it was easy for me to find purpose in my day.

I started getting really into genealogy again as well as going to the temple a lot. I don't have a regular job right now and I have kind of made that my job. However, it is easy to feel like I don't have one when I am working on that.

Have you thought about getting a masters in ESL or something like that and going that route?

Instant Milk said...

Hi lady! Thank you so much for your comment!

Well, I buy my studs on Amazon. They have a lot of different prices. I look for anything for nails there. They have flowers, decals, studs and all kinds of stuff.

Hope this helps! Good luck :D

Blogging tips