Wells

Sometimes life just goes all crazy on you. Sometimes it gets really hard and all you can do is one thing. For me, that one thing is pray.

I have learned something about myself. When something is bothering me, and is stuck in my mind, and I can't stop thinking about it, and it's still there no matter how much I talk to other people about it; I have to write it down. For me, writing it down is like releasing it from my mind. Is that weird? When I can't sleep because my mind won't slow down, I think that in the future I'm going to try and write. I don't know when this happened. Maybe it's an effect of the days when I was really good about journaling, but this blog has become kind of a journal of my life, so this is where you guys get to read my writing down my thoughts so I can let go.

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I think that my wells are filling. A while ago in church a woman talked about spiritual wells. Like a water well, and we go to church and read our scriptures, and pray and do whatever we need to do to keep that well full, and our testimony strong. That's something that has stayed with me. I kind of think I have lots of wells for the different aspects of my life, and lately some wells are running low.

It sucks putting so much effort into something, letting go of water in your well for something to receive nothing back, no replenishing of your well. It sucks. I think I've kind of hit an empty well and I can't put forth anymore effort. That's frustrating for me. I'm not very good at sitting back and waiting, waiting for life to refill that well. To know that I'm done, and waiting for the next part to happen. Waiting sucks.

Do you know the good thing about waiting though? It makes you reflect on the things in your life where someone or something has given back and as you give, your well is replenished also. I like that. It's nice to be able to feel grateful and realize that while you wait.

I've decided I'm tired of negativity, and worrying about things that I can't change. So I'll be positive and hope that it has an effect. I'm really going to try and stick with this. Sometimes when I'm hurt I have a hard time letting go. I think writing helps me. I think positivity helps me. It helps me let go and realize those negative things don't need to effect me. They can only effect me if I let them.

Last night I was praying about the thing that I couldn't let go of. Praying seemed the only thing I could do to feel some relief. No matter what I did, it was the only thing that brought me comfort and peace, no matter if there was a solution in front of me or not. Do you know what's awesome? Praying. It's awesome when randomly the exact thing you needed to hear comes into your mind and you know someone is listening. I had this come into my mind:

Lead Me

Guide Me

Walk Beside Me

Help me find the way

I'm sure not all of you know that this is from. It's from a primary song. This song is dear to my heart for many reasons, but for some reason, it's exactly what I needed to hear last night. Because then I can say it right back to Him, who put it in my mind. I try to follow that way, but I think sometimes I get so caught up in my own mind that I lose sight of the way. I forget that if I put myself on His path, then I don't have to worry, because there is no point in worrying, because He knows where I'm supposed to be going.

My heart feels lifted, my burden less heavy, and even though my well was empty last night, it's funny that he can start trickling water back in there. Even if the situation isn't any better, it feels like it's somewhat better, because I know what's right for me now.