Monday, December 9, 2013

Those "If Only" moments

I have these three posts that have been formulating in my mind, they kind of bleed together and are topics that have been circulating in my mind lately as something that I just feel the need to write it down and get it out.

Do you ever have those moments when you look back at a time or event in your life that make you think, if only I had done this or that, things would be different.

I have one of those moments that has stuck in my mind for years. It involves things I have never talked about on my blog before, but today I think I'm ready to let it out and let it go and be at peace with my biggest if only moment.
In college I had a boyfriend, lets just call him "A". We didn't exactly have the healthiest relationship, but that's for another post. He was a very jealous person and I felt restricted at times in the relationship.

He used to get angry at me when I would answer my phone to talk with my friends or family when I was hanging out with him. Now, this is before cell phones were crazy huge and the age of cell phone zombies.

We had just had a fight about me answering my cell phone, so I decided I would show him how dedicated I was, or whatever dumb young love thing I thought I was doing so I said I wouldn't answer my phone that day. Of course you can see where this is going.

My good friend Brittany called me. I looked at it and chose not to answer it. "A" told me to answer it. I said no, I was going to show him how muuuuuch I cared, so I didn't answer it. That night when I was driving home, I listened to my voicemail.

She had left me a voicemail telling me that our best friend Meagan's brother had passed away and the funeral was that night.

So I missed the funeral.

If only I had answered that phone call. That "if only" moment has always kind of haunted me.

Good thing Meagan is one of the most amazing people I know and didn't hold it against me. In fact, we were in each other's weddings.
I was really surprised how hard this was for me to actually write. It's a a horrible 'if only' moment, and a bit embarrassing that I was ever in a relationship like that. But honestly it's a moment that I think helped me make the decision to eventually leave the relationship.

Do you have any if only moments that stick out in your mind?


Rachel said...

Oh wow. You never know how a seemingly little decision could make such a huge difference! Although, if it was one of those events which helped lead you to get out of the relationship--that is one positive outcome!

Ashley said...

We all have relationships, or 'mistakes' we'd like to take back from our past :P But I really think we became strong ladies from experiencing them, and not sticking with those men! Believe me, my mistake is MUCH worse!

Tanika Rice said...

Girl I have a whole life of would-be "if' only" moments. But you can't dwell on them because they can haunt you. Just move on ya know? Ya can't change the past but you can change the future! (That sounded super awesome.)

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Don't beat yourself up about this. You could have never known that's what she was calling to tell you.

Selma @ Crazy Little World Of Mine said...

I believe "if only" moments happen to all of us. You might have chosen not to answer that call, and with that missed the funeral, but look at you two now? both still talking to each other, and yes, you left the relationship that hindered you to be the awesome person you are!!!

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